


Happier

by EnchantedbookLover18



Series: Fictober 2020 [10]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Day 10, F/M, Fictober 2020, Prompt 20, inspired by Happier by Marshmello feat Bastille
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26937193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantedbookLover18/pseuds/EnchantedbookLover18
Summary: "Then only for a minute/I want to change my mind/'Cause this just don't feel right to me/I wanna raise your spirits/I want to see you smile but/Know that means I'll have to leave/Know that means I'll have to leave/Lately, I've been, I've been thinking/I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier" (Happier by Marshmello feat. Bastille)
Relationships: Ellie Bishop & Nick Torres, Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Series: Fictober 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947187
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> Fictober 2020 #Prompt 20: “did I ask?” 
> 
> This isn't a song fic but it was partly inspired by Happier by Marshmello feat. Bastille

Tears streamed down her cheeks, she sniffed “I don’t want you to go.”

The look he gave her was stone-cold, at least it appeared like that to her. “ **Did I ask?** I can’t do this anymore, Ellie.”

“But we were good for so long…You never said anything before.” Ellie looked at her feet, she knew she’d made a mistake and hurt his feelings in the process. Truthfully, she didn’t want him to go, to leave her. But a part of her understood, a part of her could see the pain she’d caused him and she knew that he might be better off without her.

“How? Ellie, how was I supposed to say anything?” Nick huffed sharply. “You never let me. Every time I tried to talk about it, you shut down. And then, on the other hand, you told me how you liked me more than a friend and wished you weren’t with _him_? Why? Tell me why you’d do that if you were happy? I don’t get it. And cut the ‘I was drunk’ crap, Ellie. You weren’t _that_ drunk. Besides, you’re the one who always bragged about having a fast metabolism.”

The blonde could only continue staring at her toes, fidgeting with her hands. He was right. Nick was right, she hadn’t been that drunk. Of course, her tongue was a bit loosened with the little alcohol she’d had but it wasn’t too much that she wouldn’t know what she was saying or doing. She’d taken advantage of this situation in hopes that Nick might not remember. Because unlike Ellie, his body couldn’t tolerate so much alcohol. “I’m sorry,” she whispered ruefully, “I never should’ve said that.”

“But you did.” Nick simply replied. He was done messing around. Whenever they’d be alone, their eyes would lock and the air in the room would change. Sometimes, subconsciously or deliberately, their hands would touch. A few weeks ago, they’d even kissed – well, made out rather – at the office party. He couldn’t take it anymore. Nick had told her multiple times that he wanted to be with her. But she just refused to leave _him_.

Ellie nodded, “you’re right. But it was wrong. I didn’t realise the position I put you in…until now. I am sorry.”

“I can see that, Ellie. _Really_.” The look he gave her was full of sorrow and regret. But his voice seemed calmer now. “But it hurts, okay? I told you I want you-”

His voice almost broke when he gulped and said the next words, “God, Ellie, I told you _I love you_ , for god’s sake. I can’t do this anymore. I’ll always be your second choice. Your side piece or whatever…I know you probably never meant for any of this to happen…”

“I never meant to hurt you, Nick,” Ellie murmured under tears. God, what would she give to see the smile he had reserved for her right now.

“I believe you. But it did. And- I guess I’ll need some time for myself. To figure everything out. _To get over you_.” Ellie could feel a sharp pain in her heart at his words. “I need someone who loves me for me, Ellie. Someone who chooses me over everyone else. I can’t always be second choice – love- and friendship-wise.” He looked down at his hands, bitterness and determination…but also love in his voice.

Nick’s mind was running wild. For the past weeks he’d been thinking about this a lot. And he’d tried to act normal, to just be her best friend, her confidant, to just be there. Whenever Ellie seemed down, he’d tried to lift her spirits.   
It wasn’t too much of a surprise that he changed his mind about this decision over and over again. Leaving someone you love never comes easy, and it was far from what he truly wanted. But it was the only choice he had at this moment. If he wanted to be happy for once, with who he was and who he could be, he needed to find someone who saw him for that. Deep down, Nick knew that Ellie was supposed to be this person – at least he’d always hoped for that. But she didn’t seem to feel the same way. And in the end, it would probably make her happier if Nick wasn’t in the way anymore – if he didn’t interfere any longer. Maybe then Ellie could truly be happy with _him_. But for that, Nick had to leave.

“You deserve so much love, Nick.” Ellie only dared to look at him now, and it almost broke her heart to see him _like this_ …all because of her. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you. I-I want to, please believe me. But- I can’t-”

He interrupted her; a hand raised. “Please, Ellie. Don’t. Don’t do this, again. Don’t make this harder. Look at the wreck we’ve made…” Nick sighed weakly.

Ellie stayed silent after that, fearing that whatever she’d say would hurt him even more.

“I love you, Ellie. I- I’ll probably always love you. But I’m not what you want, I can see that. Trust me, this isn’t an easy decision but I have to do it regardless. I want you to be happier – and myself. And it seems we can’t be if we’re together, or whatever we even were.” A tear slid down his cheek but he wiped it away immediately.

Before he turned around and opened the front door of her apartment, Nick placed a hand on Ellie’s cheek, and murmured mournfully, “I wish things were different. But I want us to be happier, and that means I have to leave. I hope he makes you happy, Ellie, because you deserve to be.”


End file.
